I became a mom at 26. I really didn’t know what I was doing and I very clearly remember thinking that I was suddenly very important. So, do most other new moms. A family friend decided to write a play (and actually tried to find someone to produce it – which never happened) about her “journey to motherhood”. I’m not saying that becoming a parent isn’t joyous or magical, but sometimes I feel the need to let new mommies in on the secret that they aren’t the first or only ones to have ever had a child. So…
Dear New Mother,
1. I don’t want to hear the gory details about your labor and delivery. Yep, you had an episiotomy. It isn’t anything particularly pleasant. I know that and I don’t want to relive it.
2. Don’t register for weird baby things. No one wants to buy you 26 rubber coated baby spoons. And, I feel very uncomfortable at the thought of buying you nursing pads – are you going to ask for tampons too?
3. Your baby did not purposefully wink or say “mama” at two weeks and she’s not speaking in sentences at 6-months. Every mom thinks her baby is the smartest, but there are certain sequences of development that you just can’t ignore.
4. You aren’t the first new mother to think her story would be an awesome novel. Many a new mom have put pen to paper (or hands to keyboard) after pushing a baby out. Yes, this is a wonderful memento to have for yourself, but unless you have a truly unique tale to tell it’s unlikely that anyone wants to publish 200 pages filled with 150 ways of saying how much you love your baby.
5. Stop telling everyone how your baby will be potty trained by 12 months because you read an article in a parenting magazine. Chances are at are two your toddler will still be in pull-ups.
6. Don’t tell me that I’m a bad parent because my 12-year-old plays video games or has an iPhone. Saying that your child will be technology free is a nice sentiment, but if he’s only 2-weeks-old you aren’t in a place to judge. Get back to me on how the tech0free lifestyle is going in a few years.
7. You did not, I repeat not, discover infant and toddler crafts. You aren’t the irst mom to let her little one paint with pudding, mx glitter in with finger paint or mix up a batch of your own play dough.
8. Your toddler isn’t more important than my tween. Don’t brush of the fact that your 2-year-old just ran my 12-year-old’s foot over with the shopping cart at the grocery store. Apologize, or better yet have your child apologize. Just because my son isn’t sobbing doesn’t mean he isn’t hurt. Believe me, he is still a child too.
I know these may seem harsh, but I wish someone had clued me in to these things when my son was younger.